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在國外經常聽到人說國外過新年沒意思。可是甚麼樣才是個“有意思”的新年呢？
拿紅包？看舞獅，炮仗？吃糖？等到元宵猜燈謎放燈籠？
就算是華人多的地方，也會在電視上播出國內的新年節目，舉辦很多活動。可是如果是在那些華人少的地方怎麼辦？或者，就算在國內回到偏僻的鄉下，沒那麼熱鬧的時候，也會做甚麼呢？
如果是跟家人團聚有意思的，那前提是：就算你平時不怎麼想跟家人在一起，你也願意短暫的拋開煩惱跟他們在一起。
我發覺很多人說“在國外過新年沒意思”這樣的話，會拿自己的國外土生土長的孩子為例子。說他們不願意慶祝傳統新年，不喜歡跟家人吃飯… 其實不想面對的是他們自己本身為了賺錢沒有好好的陪自己的孩子，花時間來慢慢的瞭解他們跟他們溝通。如果“年廿八：洗邋遢”，“年卅：吃團年飯”準備過程當中只有你自己做事兒因為你嫌自己孩子手腳又笨又慢，那他們管你新年呢？同樣的如果想要完成這些東西而對他們“呼来喝去”，就更不想管了。
[Originally the post was a tiny review of the movie, but the title was re-purposed for this post.]
I had a friend who wanted to hire me multiple times. I turned him down. There are days where I think I shouldn’t have, because the money would be good, and it’d give me a chance to work outside the US. However, I’m still much more satisfied I have my freedom, no matter what costs I’ve had to go through to maintain them.
I turned down this friend though, because even though he’s a cool guy, and I’m glad he sees the worth of my skills, I’ve prescribed him to be a man who schmoozes and boozes with authorities. I mean, all business people do that no matter what country, but these are the authorities who partake in a system that was hellbent on stealing everything away from my family, and have very different values from me. Do I resent this friend for his dealings with these authorities? No, he had to do what he had to, and his business has thrived because of it. Just the same, I’ve taken jobs with a similar organisation on the other side of the aisle, so I’m not any better than he is.
Today, I was reminded of another friend. He used to be in a position not too different from my friend above. He was in the propaganda department of said government. While he wasn’t part of the policy-making apparatus, he was still a part of that machine. Now, he’s here and making good money. No fault in it of itself, after all, he escaped that place for a reason. So having worked in the propaganda department, and having dealt with big studios in other countries, I asked him what it took to get his projects released, and he told me the art of selling. Basically, be there, find out their problem, help solve it —only thing is, whatever product you have or want, don’t sell it. Voila! OK, simple enough, right? Once again, schmooze and booze with people, seems to come natural to him and other people I know.
Then, just like the friend above, he continued to try to recruit me to his company. Already connecting the dots, he then went on to tell me how, schmoozing and boozing with those people are the same skills as what’s needed in what he’s recruiting for. It’s the marriage of exercise in skills needed, while at the same time a way to gain income.
I make money out of nothing but thin air.
, he told me.
I got it, and even before he was proselytizing this job (whose product I ultimately don’t believe in), I was already asking: Can I schmooze and booze with people at all? My rejection from grad school, the hardships I’ve experienced in the past couple of years, has been because I’m the nail that sticks out, and people don’t want that. They want people they can talk to about things that I find trivial: The latest comic book movie, some sports event/irrelevant team, the luxury value of some automobile, what happened on some TV show I don’t have the time to watch, or some gameplay value of something I don’t want to waste my time on. No one wants a person they can’t relate to. After all,
“出る釘は打たれる” (the nail that sticks out gets hammered).
So then, the ultimate question is: Can I learn something from schmoozing and boozing with people to which it will be hard to find common ground? Can this actually be a good exercise to try to relate to people you otherwise wouldn’t? OR, would all the time and effort spent towards strengthening this weakness be better spent by fortifying my strengths? I value my freedom: La Libertà. I enjoy pursuing the random things in life that other people neglect. After all, it’s a monopoly over a domain (for which there is no market). However, is it worth giving up for a moment (if not for the money, the potential learning experience)???
I’m not one to WANT to go out of my way to procrastinate on things per se (that would be more sabotage), but I do end up procrastinating on a lot of things in my life. Sadly, I don’t know what to do about this, until I see other people procrastinating on THEIR projects, that I can see my own folly.
What was the issue? A friend said they wanted to look for a [industry] job. So I offered to help with correcting their resume; something I used to do in my last job. The only thing I requested, was that they look for the job postings, and then we would go over their past experiences to customize their experiences to fit the job posting to write their resume. Simple right?
Well, he didn’t find any job postings, but at least he found a list of websites to check out jobs. This is a communication error on my part. Then, we spent time looking at jobs outside of the [industry]. Was a resume even drafted up? No.
So the goal was set to write a resume, and I didn’t achieve that. That’s ok. I helped him get a step closer so that he can write his own resume. Truth be told, he even admitted to me that he didn’t really want to look for a robin [industry], it’s just that I supposedly told him to get one as a side hustle to do our other thing. From my point of view, I remember it as him saying he needed some form of stable cash and said that [industry] was a viable option at the moment, which is when I offered to help him with his resume. Whatever. I had set a goal for him, and then didn’t accomplish it for whatever reason.
OK. How many goals have we established for ourselves and never ended finishing them? That’s right. I’m not talking about getting the results you want, I’m actually talking about finishing your own goals you had set for yourself. All the time, I bet.
So back to this friend… The communication problems and lack of completion could have avoided, if I drew out the steps:
Actually, come to think of it… I DID break it down for him. However, the way I said it, later turned into something I pushed upon him, rather than it being something he came to me with. Once again the communication problem came down to me. I’m working on this. But more importantly, he had a major distraction in front of him: The television.
”Γιατί στις αληθινά δύσκολες στιγμές δεν ανερχόμαστε στο ύψος των προσδοκιών, των ευχών και της φαντασίας μας. Απλά πέφτουμε στο επίπεδο της εκπαίδευσης και της προετοιμασίας μας.”-Ἀρχίλοχος
“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” -Archilochus
Whether its distractions I have set up for myself, or what others have inflicted upon me, I have been conditioned to be distracted from completing my goals. I’ve managed to get away from most of these toxic people, to surround myself in a bubble where I can work towards completing these goals.
If this was me 6 years ago, I would have listed out steps for all these things. However, I just want to concentrate on the first one: Mindfulness.
Yeah, I put all the nooks and crannies in. Not because I don’t already clean any of these, but they look disorganised. Plus, having moved into many places, I’ve seen the conditions people have left these places in.