Lost Photographer

Halloween, Dios de Los Muertos, or whatever it is you call today. Today has not been a good day. Results for a test came in: I failed. Dryer rack broke and fell (like my test results). My mood has also fallen.

I’m starting to breath normally again as I write this post. With a heavy heart, I just lost someone that I had designated as my “photographer”. Long-time readers of this blog will remember the post 刻骨銘心嘅記憶, where I made note of my ability to remember really obscure things, and because of this, didn’t need to be a photographer. However, there are many moments I’d like to share with those who mean something to me, and if all the images are only in my head, that makes it hard.

There was a person I designated as my photographer, but for whatever reason they decided to stop talking to me, and I feel really awful for this. Was it because of something I did? Was it because of something I said? Quite possibly both. I thought that recently we had shared some very good conversations, but when they had few bad days, they apologised for not responding to me sooner. I said “It’s OK! It’s over now!” I didn’t mean that it was over between me and this person, but that the horrible event that they just overcame is over, and meant for it to be a moment to rejoice. Yet, I didn’t realize how ambiguous that message was until much, much later. At this point, they must be very sad. I’ve tried to explain myself, but I’m blocked, unfriended, and without a way to say anything. All I can say is, I’m sorry, if this is the reason they chose not to talk to me.

If there is another reason, the ever-curious me would like to know why, but maybe I’ll never get that chance. If there’s anything I could say to this person, is I never meant to hurt them.

I don’t have this person’s pictures anymore, but I will remember this person for what I’ve learned from them.

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