浮光掠影

昨天跟人出去越南餐館,她點了「米粉*」而我爲了探探這餐館品質,就點了一碗人人偕知的「特別粉」和「越南咖啡」跟其他餐館比較比較。

東西還沒有出來,我們兩個在談。她提出想帶我到她去的教堂去,我馬上強烈的拒絕。因爲我所認識的基督徒給我的印象是這樣:


我曾經也答應過人家,如果他們肯好好的練習溫書的話,我會跟他去Bible Studies (聖經學習)。沒有上面的片段那麼誇張,不過我感覺到渾身不舒服。他們對於一本童話書這麼着迷,我無法理解。而且,一個人莫名其妙的說他是神的兒子的話,在現代社會裏面誰敢相信他?所以如果耶穌真的以爲自己是神的兒子,我相信當時的人也不例外覺得他也瘋。可是到這個世紀,這麼多瘋子,隨着釘在十字架上一條死屍。這到底是甚麼世界呢?

後來我被問好多對於宗教的感覺,還談到進化論。進化論就是科學精神的例子。科學精神在哪裏?就在找真理手法。一個人有個想法就開始測試實驗,發表自己的理論,然後有各種各派的人拚命又測試實驗來否定這理論,否定不了的時候,才是真理。就算大部份的科學家後來還推翻一些之前以爲是真的,可是到最後科學是個自動修正的精神。她就問我「那如果科學家可以翻來覆去,宗教爲什麼不行呢?」
我恨我自己當時沒有答案,我只能說「因爲他們是錯的。」
吃完了我想來想去,才終於想到科學家跟信教者/宗教兩家「翻來覆去」的分別:宗教總說他們的理論是永遠的由此以來是絕對真理,而科學家的態度反而是「這個錯的話,就再去探索,測試,實驗,再找吧。」
我恨我自己沒有當時跟她找這樣的話來解釋。不過也許這樣也解釋不詳。想做個知識份子也失敗。跟韓寒沒兩樣,就是學得不精。

回到御膳味道:越南粉不夠新鮮,出來的時候構成一堆,麵條不夠彈性,湯不夠清而味道不足。(廣東人喝的湯,湯必須要清透,油不多,而還有味道。)
咖啡:一樣跟麵粉不夠新鮮。出來的時候,就是那種喝波霸奶茶,完全是塑膠製造,加上塑膠薄片來蓋的,那種杯。顯出那杯咖啡若不是早在冰箱保存的話,就是下的咖啡豆不夠。喝越南咖啡講究夠濃,然後加上一點點的煉奶

Done With the Cow Herd

I used to like travelling. Travelling on the government/company’s dime was especially great, because you could go to random places you normally couldn’t afford on your own while racking up frequent flier miles, ultimately giving you more free trips you normally wouldn’t be able to afford. Now? It’s really not worth it. You get herded around like a cow, going through random lines from one spot to another. Except, instead of ultimately getting your head chopped off, and then cut into various pieces to be packaged and distributed to markets, you now have to pretend to be social and care about people.

I had the luxury of being spared from suffering the same fate actual cattle do, by sitting down and waiting for my flight, only to be surrounded by Korean girls –from Korea. It went something like this:

INT. San Francisco Airport

I’ve been sitting down for over an hour, reading a book. Then, a bunch of Korean girls come over and sit around me.

앞에 썅년

우리나라보다 여기 있는 사람들이 너무 불친절해.
The people in this country are not as friendly as ours.

오른쪽 씨빨년

이 사람은 정말 재수 스러워! 사진 찍지마! 이 사람의 머리때문에!
This person is really ugly! Don’t take my picture because his head will show!

I continue to stare at the book.

오른쪽 씨빨년

이 사람은 왜 여기 있어? 사진도 못찍어!
Why is this person here? I can’t even take my picture because of him!

오른쪽 씨빨년 and the friend to her right leave for a bit, and then return.

오른쪽 씨빨년

이 사람 없이 사진 찍어 잘 나와!
Taking pictures without this guy in the way, will make the pictures look great!

오른쪽 씨빨년 and the her 씨빨 friend to her right sit back down.

오른쪽 씨빨년

여기서 사진 찍어봐 ! 조심하게! 이 사람의 머리를 나오지 않도록!
Try taking some pictures now! Be careful! Try not to take any with this person’s head!

오른쪽 씨빨년의 오른쪽 친구 takes some pictures.

오른쪽 씨빨년의 오른쪽 친구

오…! 이 사진에 그 사람의 머리가 나왔어요!
Aw… His head’s in this picture!

Holding in anger, I lay the book down, purposely avoid eye contact, and check the hanging LCD TVs for flight status. Everything is a blur. I take out my touchscreen phone, and flip through pictures and to re-focus eyes. 앞에 썅년 imitates my thumbing motion.

앞에 썅년

뭐가 그렇게 재미 있냐?!
What’s so interesting about that?!

ME (V.O.)

이 씨빨 개 썅년들이! 여기서 자리가 많는데 하필히 내 주위에 앉아 있어야 했냐?! 그래! 핸드폰에 사진을 보는게 니들 가짜 얼굴들보다 훨씬 더 재미 있다!
Yeah, you fuckin’ bitches! Of all the places here, why the hell did you have to sit around me?! Yeah, looking at pictures on my phone is much more interesting than looking at your fake faces!

.

So back to the 앞에 썅년’s comments about how “unfriendly” Americans are. I’ll tell you why: Americans are good at knowing “If you’z a bitch”, they’re gonna’ treat you like “you’z a bitch!”. It’s also people like this that give other 한국사람 and 교포s a bad rap among the rest of the Asian community in the US. In other words, girls like the ones described above are what would be called 국치(國恥).

天又想…

image

…刺殺朕.簡即豈有此理!

If it would have hit that building off the right (my office room), everything would have been destroyed.

呢尐咩人呀?!

我雂晚有人敲我門。原來係住喺八號嘅코리問我要唔要同佢一齊落pub。我同意並決定扎車去。點知一到就即刻餓。想食尐麥當勞。呢條友話佢屋企有pizza食。 我問佢咩pizza?佢話係夏威夷(有菠蘿,豬肉片)。我話唔得,因為我喺嗰個死〔門七〕喺海上浮嘅篤屎住咗三年多,所以唔想食。咁佢問我中唔中意牛肉丸加豬肉pizza。咁我問佢「凈番幾多塊」?佢話“凈番成餅嘢!”
於是我哋返去屋企。一入佢間屋廚房,佢喺雪櫃攞出盒pizza,見係Dominoes就諗「欸。。。都仲算骾得落啊挂。。。」點知一打開。。。
成餅嘢得嗰兩塊牛肉丸遘豬肉,其䬷嗰尐都係夏威夷。
屌啦屘呀我火都來埋。若果唔係靈凌晨兩點嘅話,實喺佢面前爆。
屌。。。!

Make Yourself At Home

This movie may have been a Korean-American co-production, but aside from the setting taking place along the New York-New Jersey border, and the supporting actors and actresses being American, it is very much a Korean movie with a very Korean feel. In fact, the scene where 송혜교(Song, Hye-Gyo) is making Korean food convinced me and my friends in the audience to change our dinner plans from eating at the nearby Ethiopian restaurant to driving 20 minutes away just for Korean food.

But back to the movie, it was about a young woman who escaped her fate as a shaman to find love, so she married a Korean-American and moved with him to the states. Before you think this is a story about finding true love and happiness, this is where everything starts to go awry and creeps you the hell out.
Not to reveal anything further, the dialogue carried many moments where the punchlines really hit you hard, and were quite humurous at some parts. Although, Nonef this took away from the creepy horror element one bit. In fact, it definately added enough creepiness to it all.

刻骨銘心嘅記憶

Also available in 廣東話, and 官話

我唔係咩攝影師,我嘅名唔係杜可風。唔識得點去拍相畀女仔一睇就冧晒,更加唔多鍾鐿畀人照我塊面。 見到靚風景又都唔會即刻諗起要拍落嚟。你見到我呢個網站亦都好少照片。學 George Clooney 喺 “Up in the Air“話齋: “Pictures? Those are for people who can’t remember.” 我都係咁諗。所以我記嘢嘅時候會記到刻骨銘心。但係因為咁,好多啲唔開心嘅回憶亦都記得好刻骨銘心。而且因為我係一個好懷舊嘅人,啲回憶(無論係好嘅抑係壞嘅)都會好容易諗起

刻骨銘心嘅記憶

Also available in 廣東話, and 官話

我唔係咩攝影師,我嘅名唔係杜可風。唔識得點去拍相畀女仔一睇就冧晒,更加唔多鍾鐿畀人照我塊面。 見到靚風景又都唔會即刻諗起要拍落嚟。你見到我呢個網站亦都好少照片。學 George Clooney 喺 “Up in the Air“話齋: “Pictures? Those are for people who can’t remember.” 我都係咁諗。所以我記嘢嘅時候會記到刻骨銘心。但係因為咁,好多啲唔開心嘅回憶亦都記得好刻骨銘心。而且因為我係一個好懷舊嘅人,啲回憶(無論係好嘅抑係壞嘅)都會好容易諗起

Self-censorship

I’ve always had a problem with shutting my mouth. I tend to say things that are in my mind. Funny enough however, sometimes, the words I use aren’t adequate enough to reflect what it is I think and feel. Worst of all, is that I’m often misquoted either from an end result of this, or just because people like to misquote me.

In either case, I’m trying to practice some form of self-censorship, and have made some posts “private”. Because I know some of the wrong people have read some of my posts, and am certainly now on someone’s deathlist. I would like to be able to speak my mind freely, but practically, that cannot be the case.

That’s all I’m saying for now.

跟蹤狂

這是在跟好友 Can10eezCF00L 閒談時寫的一篇故事。當時我們談起跟蹤狂這個話題……

其實很多人都把跟蹤狂和變態色魔混淆,以為二者一樣。其實不然。最明顯的分別,是兩者對被跟蹤者所作出的舉動。變態色魔,自然會對被跟蹤者作出非禮、偷窺、性騷擾,甚至強姦的犯罪行為。而跟蹤狂,則是對被跟蹤者持極強烈的愛慕情感,會對其「偶像」進行跟蹤、偷窺、拍照,也會瘋狂地收集「偶像」的私人物件或有關的東西,以此對「偶像」作「全面性」的瞭解。

那是一個風大的夜晚。

小娜獨自走在無人的街道上,向家的方向走著。

四周,只有風呼呼地吹,吹得路兩旁大樹上的葉「沙沙」作響。當然,還有她的腳步聲,高跟鞋獨有的「咯咯」聲,聽起來格外單調,給人一種孤單的感覺。

孤單,她不喜歡這種的感覺。

咯──!

她忽然收住腳步,正因為如此,她的高跟鞋才會與水泥地面發出這般大的聲響。

她這突如其來的停步,完全是因為她聽到另一種異樣的聲音,一種有規律的輕微腳步聲!

又來了!

她下意識地轉身,卻沒有發現甚麼。不要說人影,連鬼影都沒有。

那種腳步聲──其實她並不肯定是不是腳步聲,但這種輕微的聲音這時也停了下來。

身後的街道仍是空蕩蕩的,她看了一會,才繼續前行。然而,她才剛踏出兩步,那種聲音又再響起!

已是第四晚了,前幾晚情形皆是如此,但她每次轉身,卻見不到任何人。

當她把這件事告訴同事兼好友的阿雯時,阿雯神色凝重地說:「妳…妳遇上跟蹤狂了。」

跟蹤狂?小娜心裡不由自主的打了個突。

「妳說真說假的?別嚇我。怎麼會有跟蹤狂?」她不安地說。

「不是我嚇妳,妳有沒有收到照片?」阿雯問。

「照片?甚麼照片?」

「妳自己的照片。那些變態,很喜歡躲在妳看不到的角落,拍妳的照片,然後再放到妳的信箱裡,向妳表達他們的『愛意』。我自己說起來都覺得噁心。」阿雯作了個要吐的表情。

「可我沒收到妳形容的那些噁心照片。」

「妳今天回去看看吧。恐怕已在妳信箱裡了。」

阿雯的說話令小娜整天都不舒服。小娜乾脆請假早退回家休息。一回到家,她便急不及待去查看信箱。

一打開信箱,很不幸地,真的被阿雯言中──裡面有一個黃皮公文袋!而且,拿上手,她幾乎可以肯定,裡面放的,全是照片!

她拿著這公文袋,手不住地顫抖。

真的是跟蹤狂!

她不由自主扡望了一下四周,沒甚麼可疑的人物。她立刻開門進屋,把門窗鎖得死死的。然後再非常仔細地檢查,直到她認為連蚊子都飛不進屋,才放下心來。

她用開信刀割開公文袋,裡面……裡面的確是裝著一疊照片。

她拿出來看,發現全部是她的照片,但她本人卻並非面對著鏡頭。

顯然,照片是在她不知道的情況拍下的!而且有不少是在晚上拍的,她獨自回家的時候!

小娜一張一張的看著手上的照片,愈看愈心悸。

其中有一張,是她挽著一個年輕男子漫步!

那男人,叫阿景,是阿雯的男友。

她幾乎拿不穩這張照片!

她和阿景偷情,竟然也被拍到!

這張照片,絕不能被阿雯看到!

想著,她拿起電話,打給阿景。

晚上…

阿景下班後便來到她家。她把照片拿給阿景看。阿景看完照片,眉頭大皺,「怎麼回事?這是誰拍的?」

「不知道。阿雯說很有可能是跟蹤狂。」

「跟蹤狂?妳報了警沒有?」

「還沒有,」小娜搖頭,「又不……」

「為甚麼不報警?」阿景打斷道。

「我是怕……」

「怕甚麼?」阿景十分不耐煩。

「我怕,阿雯看到那張照片。」她指了指她和阿景的那張「合照」。

阿景悶哼了一聲。

「你說我該怎麼辦?」

「我怎麼知道?」阿景心中也是極是煩燥。

小娜見阿景這般反應,既害怕又無助,不由地哭了出來。

阿景連忙坐到她身旁,擁抱著她,溫柔地哄著:「別怕。有我在,我不會讓任何人傷害你的。」

他接著撫著她的臉:「夜了,我們睡吧。」

小娜羞羞的點了點頭。

激情過後,二人相擁而睡。

大屋的門這時忽然被打開,一個人影輕步走進大廳。

那人影,竟是阿雯!

阿雯把鑰匙放回衣袋裡。鑰匙,自然是她偷偷配的。

她慢慢地來到睡房前面,把房門打開,幾乎沒有弄出任何聲響。

當她見到小娜和阿景相擁而睡的情景,氣得身子不住地發抖。她從懷裡取出一把生果刀,緊緊地握在手裡。

在房間微弱燈光的照射下,生果刀發出令人生畏的寒光。

她來到床邊,慢慢地坐了下來,用手輕輕撫了一下阿景的臉。

她知道,這是她最後一次觸摸他的臉。

她舉起生果刀,用力地插進阿景的背部。阿景的雙眼瞬間睜大,身體不住地抽搐,喉際發出極其怪異的聲響。

她再往他身上深深插上一刀,阿景的身體發出相當劇烈的異動,小娜曚曨地問,「怎麼了?」

阿雯從阿景身上拔出生果刀,瘋狂地跳上床,用刀刺向小娜。小娜還未反應過來,便已被刺了兩刀……

殺了二人的阿雯,站在床前,嘴角露出異樣的微笑。她的一隻手,握著沾滿鮮血的刀,而另一隻,則拿著一張照片──小娜與阿景背著她偷情的照片。

「狗男女!別以為我甚麼都不知道!」

她把照片扔在兩具屍體之上,然後再將其他「跟蹤」照片全都撒在床上。

小娜被跟蹤的照片,都是她拍。拍這些照片,都是為了在殺了這對狗男女之後嫁禍給本來就不存在的跟蹤狂。

她仔細地檢查了一下四周,確定沒有留下任何對自己不利的線索,然後脫下外套,用來抹去臉面和手上的血跡,才離開小娜的家。

回到家的時候,已是深夜兩點,她知道,殺了那對背叛自己的狗男女,今晚可以做上一個好夢。

幾天後……

小娜和阿景的屍體被發現,但誰也沒懷疑到阿雯身上。

然而,當阿雯去取信的時候,卻發現信箱裡放著一個公文袋,而公文袋裡,卻只有一張照片。

照片所呈現的,是她拿著生果刀,殺死阿景和小娜的一幕!

她呆立當場,當晚她殺死阿景和小娜的時候,難道還有第四個人在場?!

難道,真的有跟蹤狂?還是……?

想到這裡,她已沒有勇氣再想下去。

Leather Jackets

I’ve found out that whenever I wear a leather jacket, people tend to have a negative attitude about it. They always want to say something.

“Look at that guy: He’s a turd! I hate him already!”

“Fuckin’ poser!”

What’s wrong with a leather jacket? Is it because it’s made from cow? How about if I wore a fleece jacket or something made from industrial-use hemp, or recycled material?

Would they rather see me not wear anything?

“Let me see that Co~o~ong!”

My buddies always used to sing –so I guess that must be the case.

When did this country become so obsessed with seeing human skin, yet cow skin somehow evokes such strong emotions?

People are dumb.